MUSINGS, NOTES, PERSONAL NOTES, Uncategorized

Uncloaking the boy in every man

Man

Machismo is a lethal culture.Beneath it is -usually- layers of deep-seated fears,insecurities and flaws.

Back in Campus,i made an interesting observation.It was much easier for young campus dudes to commingle when it came to booze and discussing potential lays,sports betting,global politics,quick contraband business and ‘turning up’.When it came to deep seated personal issues : Boy,you are on your own.
Campus shindigs had to be a dudes’ thing.At the center of campus politics fad were ‘goons’.See,being macho is celebrated among guys.What they don’t tell you is that it i tears into the male psychology.

The guys who frequent the gym or those who played rugby or the ‘raverends’ and ‘fisis’ usually look down upon ‘soft’ guys.A womanizer or an accustomed reveler in College is more known than the geeky guy who creates an app that makes it easier to follow up the university news and events.

The guy in the C.U. or the poetry group will be disdained.The same flawed pigeonholing extends to life.

A man is cultured to be influential,wealthy,muscled,successful.Falling short of expectations isn’t to be tolerated.See,the image a man presents to the world is expected to be that of perfection,of strength,of power,of ability,of invincibility.

Sometimes you may want to observe as a dude discusses the girls he has laid,or the money he is making or how his gyms sessions are bearing fruits or how ‘street smart’ he is or how insusceptible they are to falling ill or how they don’t ‘do relationships’.There are usually cracks in each claim.Cracks of hidden secrets,flaws,fears,insecurities they can’t tell anyone,not even themselves.

I like hanging around men who are well established in their careers,their businesses and watch as they bloviate on the deals they are making,the promotions they got,the one night stands they are having,the new type of expensive they have been trying,the investments they are making and what they have been upto.The conversations will rarely go down to.:”Man,my kids have been pestering me to spend more time with them despite my busy schedules” OR “Bro,i wanna take Judy on a two-week vacation during our second anniversary.” OR “John,i have been preparing my boys for school these days.” OR “Kev,i am saddled in debt and i can’t tell my wife about it.”

Your personal problems are always that way.PERSONAL.Men rarely have close friends they can open up to about some of these issues.They rather tell it to the beer bottle on their hand or the puffs of weed or a blunt on a late night.
However,it will take you little effort to notice the gaps in a man’s life by their mannerisms.When a guy is broke,you’ll notice without them telling you.When he is not well,you’ll see it.Though they will never admit it.Men are perfect masqueraders.They thrive in pretence,deception,smokescreens and charades.
The tragedy of being a man is that you can never be man enough even for yourself.

Ubaldo Ribeiro says,”Machismo itself had turned against the machos, made man a prisoner of himself, obliged not to cry, not to fail to get it up, not to give in.”

See,Mr Nderitu Njoka of the ‘Maendeleo Ya Wanawake” thingy has been faulted as being ‘not man enough’ for standing on the domestic vices against men.A man isn’t expected to wash dishes,prepares his kids for bed,makes dinner for the family or do laundry or take up role that are stereotyped as feminine roles.

Let me say something.Personally,when my pockets are empty,i will admit.If i can’t handle something,i will confess i can’t.If i hit rock bottom,no need for me saving face.Men robbed themselves of the opportunity to be human first,to accept that they can be vulnerable,that they can have low moments,that they can break down,that they can be at their worst.

The cultural confusion and misconception of machismo and manhood has breeded institutional male mediocrity where burden sharing isn’t allowed.The short sight of masculinity is ignored.Political correctness when it come’s to the plight of the men and boy child in society has been driven underground.
You will come across ignorant remarks like,”I can’t listen to Westlife.”,”Dude,why don’t you play FIFA?”,”Ati,you like Ali Kiba songs?”,”Man,who does that?You bought her flowers?”

The militanism of machismo has bred misogyny,domestic violence and sexism.The agenda of men being trouble shooters and agents of dominance has devalued the logic of what a real man is.

We are killing the reality of life with this posturing.We should go back to the drawing board and redefine what a man stands for.Otherwise,the trajectory of masculine conceptualization is on a limp.It will get to a horrible point of no return when we can’t undo the psychological and social damage of this catastrophic machismo we have bred over the years.

I have been saying some statements like “The Crying Ruto” or the “Cloberred Wetangula” or ” That is sissy-like”.Bwana,Let DP Ruto cry a river.Ama namna gani?Let Wetangula get blows and pan knocks ,without creating a social media storm, if he is not a great family man.

Well,i see men break down during the final farewell of a close member of the family- a spouse or a child or a sibling or a parent.This is the normality of natural concept of grief.

The boy in every man should uncloaked and be allowed to prosper.

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