MUSINGS, NOTES, PERSONAL NOTES

DO WE EVER STOP GRIEVING LOVED ONES?

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I am currently watching Lethal Weapon, an AMERICAN buddy cop action comedy-drama television series. Martin Riggs is a widowed former NAVY SEAL who lands a job as a police officer in Los Angeles in a bid to keep his stress level low.

In 1984, his expectant wife Victoria Lynn dies in a car accident. He plunges into deep depression to the verge of committing suicide and also survives a heart attack.His mental health being on the brink of collapse, he finds himself almost indulging in harmful acts as the effects of grief kick in profoundly.

I had a similar breakdown years ago when I lost a partner. Years later,I began profiling individuals in similar circumstances. It became no surprise to me that I always befriended such characters. It was a psychological tool of trying to battle with my own infinite bereavement.

For me, trying to commiserate with close friends who undergo the same comes with some reservations. I profile them from a distance. Their handling of their situations isn’t very different from what I went through.

For a man, you don’t expect tears – but there is intensity of emotion. You don’t expect him to use words to describe his feelings. For the sake of solitude and privacy, you show your support to a grieving man by letting him have his independence and control over the loss.

In my profiling, I noticed a very different way of integrating the loss into their lives by both genders. Personally I focused and invested my energy in looking for a replacement that matched what I had lost. As for other men, they turn to disastrous ways of battling with the loss –like alcoholism, errant actions et al.

At one of the farewell ceremonies, I watched a girl break down as her late mom’s coffin was being lowered into the grave. It is natural and normal. The best I could do at that instance was try to help her make sense of the new world she was facing. For an ongoing need for social connection,I gave her all my social support in the coming months.

Do we ever stop grieving our loved ones? The answer is NO.Actually there are things we can‘t ever get over. DEATH of a loved one is one of them.

In “Whiskey Lullaby” Brad Prisley and Alison Krauss,the narrative is on a husband who commits suicide when his wife engages in infidelity. He first becomes an alcoholic as a cathartic way of nursing the heartbreak. The death of his husband sends her on a guilt trip that she also takes the path of drunkenness to grieve her husband. She also takes her own life in the process.

There is no systematic of battling with sorrow. Because it is not something you can drive away. It is something you learn to live with day to day. Khalil Gibran says that “LIFE and DEATH are one”.

If immortality is remotely achievable, believe you me it’s an option all would consider to avoid the challenges that come with dealing with loss. No one wants to die -Yet it’s the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped tithe lives of the dead are placed in the memory of us who are living. Their wish is for us to keep on their legacy without going on a self-destruction mode on account of their absence in their lives. We owe it to them to living a meaningful life to carry on the greatness they once were champions of.

J.K. Rowling in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone quips,” To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure”.

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