It’s been barely a month, and we are swiftly moving from one over-commercialized season to the next. Forget about the super bowl. The lights will be back on, only this time glowing low and red. Hotels will be redecorating and checking their guest bookings. Flowers are not only destined for export but seem to have found an aggressive market locally. It’s in the news; it’s in the air almost as if the moon inched closer and the tidal wave of hearts just soared. They will even have apps that calculate the probability that you will ‘find the one’ during that period. All for love, right?
I almost thought that for a celebration that’s close to 1516 years old, people would be jaded by now. Guess you can always count on human ingenuity to always rendition and give something longevity. It appeals to our need of heroes. We are constantly seeking for things to put on pedestals and over-compensate inner insecurities. Our hero is not some bloke in red tights, chocolate wings with a big love heart emblazoned across his chest who swoops down to mend broken hearts, ease troubled relationships and return the spark in marriages, with the click of a finger. In our case, it’s a day.
St Valentine’s Day actually celebrates the bravado of a rugged priest by the same name, who chose to defy Claudius’ (a Roman emperor) law that denied young men the agony of marriage and instead have them be faithful to the Corps where they’d get a shot at doing something useful with their lives (like dying for their country). He’d marry the young men to their beloved ladies in secret. Grossly inaccurate, forgive my tone, but the history itself is quite fuzzy.
I don’t think of Valentines as a day to find love, but a day when the love you already harbor for someone gets an almost tangible representation. Flowers, gifts, and confectionery only push forth the notion of love, but don’t birth it. Love has to be present in the first place; otherwise, the day is just a pretentious farce. What’s important to ask, is how much do you love or care for your man or woman, not how much can you spend to make them go giddy with gifts. With love, a gift offered gets a value attached.
Valentines is not about expecting the person you’re with to somehow conform to your utopian vision of love, but rather cherish each random gesture, or any unplanned or awkward slip as part of their effort to make the day a gem for both of you.
Get intimate. No, stash that Kama Sutra book back beneath the pillow! Ladies I know you will be shopping around for lingerie, and I won’t lie, it’s a fantasy of mine to walk on petals leading to my lady in a silk negligee (the meshy ones make me itch) sprawled across the satin sheets signaling a night of wickedness. There are 365 days in a year. Don’t wait for valentines to offer such treats! The kind of intimacy I’m talking about is baring your hearts (you’ve probably already bared you bodies) to each other. Whisper the things you’ve been dying to tell him/ her. Nibble their ear and whisper. Explore love with a child-like fascination. Don’t expect them to know exactly how you feel. Tell it. Every accompanying action should be filled with meaning. A hug, a peck, holding hands, caressing…these should not be inspired by the romantic flick you just watched, rather the feeling deep within to be closer. This way you’ll create a bond that’ll hold you together longer.
I’m no Chris Hart in this matters; I only share my point of view. Ultimately, for Vals, do what makes you both happy. I will encourage you to do something new and different, just don’t let it alienate what makes you both tick.